Am I Really Jewish?

Am I really Jewish? I remember spending every Chanukah lighting candles with my family and unwrapping my presents. Meanwhile, I had a secret desire to be able to celebrate Christmas. I never got to sit on a strange man's lap at the mall, with the cries and screams of children deafening my ears. I never got to watch my father curse violently as he tried to place the Christmas lights around my house while my mother kept warning him to be careful. I never got to set up a lovely Christmas tree in our living room while yelling at our pets to stop messing with the bottom bristles. Christmas was always a hard time of year for a Jewish child (I believe other Jews will agree with me) because it reminded us that we were different and as we all know, the last thing a child wants to be is different. Every year, I asked my mother why we celebrated Chanukah instead of Christmas and she always said the same thing. "We are Jewish, Rachel. We don't celebrate Christmas. You may not understand now but one day, you'll understand."

At 13, I had my Bat Mitzvah. I was glad to be rid of the tedious studying, having to mesmorize every verse of every song. I remember hating to go to temple every few days to study but once again, my parents sat with me and told me that it was my right as a young Jew and that one day I would understand the importance of my hertiage.

Now, at 20, almost 21 (hooray!) I thought I had a good idea of what it meant for me to be Jewish. It meant I was part of a certain religion with a rich cultural hertiage and a love for Mel Brooks films. Then, after reading Cheng's article, The Inauthentic Jew, I find myself questioning my own Jewish identity. Am I really Jewish? Am I Jewish because I view Judaism as my own religious belief or is it just because my mother is Jewish and thus I am. Is it that simple? Am I Jewish because I feel a connection with Israel or is this connection with Israel an illusion? Am I Jewish because of my ethnicity? Do I even look Jewish? What makes me Jewish?

Now, in a religious context, I am not Jewish. Yes, it is the religion I was brought up in but I don't view myself as a religious person. I certainly see how religion is important for any society but I just don't participate in a temple very often (something I'm hoping to change). So am I still Jewish despite my indifference to religion? What makes me Jewish? Is it my hertiage?

My Jewish ancestry can be traced to early 1900 in Russia. My family was forced out of Russia (because every country has to. it's kind of like a big sale, all jews must go!) and they landed in America then eventually to Miami, Florida to elect President Bush (ugh). Just kidding. Meanwhile, most of my family went to Ohio because Ohio just screams Jew, doesn't it? Here my family dwelled for years (and still remain for a few members of the family.) Am I Jewish because of this ancestry? My family embraces its Jewish hertiage but ignores the Russian hertiage. Why not claim to everyone that I am Russian? Why is it the first thing I say is Jewish?

I look forward to discovering whether I really am a Jew or not in this class. If I really am not a Jew, I'm going to have to come up with a good excuse for my love of bagels. Hooray for ending a serious note with a stereotype. Goodnight

-Rachel Wyman